Life is not a level playing field

There comes a time in everyone’s life, or rather numerous occasions, when you feel let down by what you trust most and the thought process that takes you forward culminates in the belief that ‘life is not a level playing field.’

For one whose life is driven totally by listening and humming to only Hindi film songs, I have an English song by Rod Stewart that instantly comes to mind…

Some guys have all the luck
Some guys have all the pain
Some guys get all the breaks
Some guys do nothing but complain

Well, in gist this is life, or is it?

There is more to it than meets the eye; the World Wide Web will throw up a billion pages of content that would form the means to address the situation, motivational quotes, analogies of purportedly successful men and women and more, a thousand ways to make one believe that positive attitude is the key and that opportunities galore for the seeker… I can just go on and on…! But then, the basic premise that I embarked upon with an insanely true cliché, will stay… Yes - Life is not a level playing field!

The ‘saint’ is a myth. A perfectly contended or a ‘completely in peace’ human being is as much truth as Ethiopia being Utopia.

The fifth verse of the fifth chapter of the Gospel of Matthew in the New Testament says “The meek shall inherit the Earth”, the context of the biblical world that it was uttered in has changed meaning now – it serves to aptly exemplify the present day lives – ‘the powerless will lead a life without striving’. I may be condemned of mis-interpreting one of the most famous of the Beatitudes, but then in times of media-judging, logical interpretations are the first things that are almost always, thrown out of the window.

How else can one explain the relentless struggle of the moralistic heart to overcome the constantly greed driven mind and succeeding only to succumb, endlessly.

Moving into a pluralistic society from the days of colonialism and subjugation has not meant equal opportunities but that of irresponsible growth of the incompetent through sustained sycophancy. This is true in all walks of life and corporate ladders are strewn by faithful followers of the doctrine – boot licking upwards.

In conclusion, even as I try hard to refrain from being positive, I am tempted to, and I succumb to, quote the verse from the Bhagawad Gita, that in which I had utmost faith and one which is gradually taking a beating:

Karmanye Vadhikaraste, Ma phaleshou kada chana,
Ma Karma Phala Hetur Bhurmatey Sangostva Akarmani

In simple terms which mean: Keep on performing your duties without expecting for any reward in return, leading a selfless life – this it what it is all about.

…. And when all fails I will retort to Deuteronomy 32:41

------------------------------------Notes: --------------------------
Pluralism: A social organization in which diversity of racial, religious, ethnic or cultural groups is tolerated
Mathew 5.5: The fifth verse of the fifth chapter of the Gospel of Matthew in the New Testament
Deuteronomy 32:41: If I whet my glittering sword, and mine hand take hold on judgment; I will render vengeance to mine enemies, and will reward them that hate me.

The telephone booth

Tana Street Purasavakkam Chennai - 12.30 pm
August 1990: Don’t remember the exact date…!

It had been almost three months working in Chennai, living alone in a room, sans much friends, sans any known acquaintances the only contact with relatives was the weekends spent at their cozy homes. The entire week saw marketing medicines to doctors, the top-of-the-line antibiotics (as if that was required to be mentioned here).

Apart from rattling of the parroted content to doctors and chemists there was hardly any conversation happening in life. I started to become a loner of sorts, but for VJ - the only friend, who spent much time at the Nungambakkam CA institute during the day and was company for the snack dinner on Bells Road every night. The days were very long, the bus travel across the city was nothing but sweat and more sweat. I longed to strike a conversation with someone I knew…. No there were no phones at any of my known friends/relatives places – the only mode of communication was through letters, which meant a fortnight’s wait to get reply (think this in the age of sms and instant messaging).

The silent days
It was around this time in August VJ went to Bangalore and I had hardly spoken to anyone in 3 days… I was choking to find someone to talk to… Three days passed since I spoke to some one I knew, I had been speaking to vendors, waiters, bus conductors and hawkers, now I needed to speak to some one who will talk to me with my name.

The Thursday afternoon
Every day I passed by the Telephone booth - I felt I was actually being called in for a conversation - After searching the Madras Telephone Directory for an hour on that hot Thursday afternoon, I finally found the office number of a cousin, it took about 5 minutes to track his department, I was told he had gone out for Lunch and would be back in half hour. I waited the thirty minutes at the bus-stop beside4 the telephone booth and called again. This time he came online directly and was heard shouting hello… hello… hello… and all I could do was choke and hear to his voice for 20 seconds before he hung up. That one moment of silent monologue was enough to charge me for the next few days.

No, I didn’t speak to him that day nor did I speak to him about it when I met him the next week. Nor have I spoken to him about it in the past twenty years. I knew I was happy listening to someone I knew.

That day I told myself I will never want to be like this anymore. Today reminiscing the days of almost no communication – I wonder if it really makes any sense to have 24/7 connectivity to across all in the world through mobile phones and still yearn for that one moment of silence – one that gives immense strength. I surely miss that moment.

That absolute moment of solitude.

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“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did so. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” - Mark Twain

The TWENTY20 Series will bring back nostalgic memories
throughout this year Coming up next - "My greatest regret"!

2009 - Another Year confined to History!

Learning from the year

"Religion as a science, as a study, is the greatest and healthiest exercise that the human mind can have".

- Swami Vivekananda.

This year end account of chronicling the happenings in my life in 2009 is delayed by a fortnight primarily due to the fact that it took so long to come out of the December last week memories, which have surely etched a new chapter in my life, one which is bound to change my perception and my personality.

That I have thousands of things to relate, but have fewer words to pen them here is surmised with the simple line - "I have more face to wash less hair to comb". Yes, the year 2009 has given me some moments both personal and official which brought too many sleepless nights and distressing days. Things that left me pondering hours to no end - I've aged much this year than ever.

The Positives:

On the personal front, I got to know more newer friends, online (quite a few bubbly young enterprising lot of go-getters) and offline, met a few online friends offline too. Attended a few celebrations and acquired a few pals for life. There has been never a dull moment in parties and celebrations - with the kind of music that has followed my all through my life. Kishore Kumar continued to rule my day to day life (not a day passes without listening to this idol). I played lot of cricket, picked up quite a handful of wickets, though made not so many runs during the year - but the feather in the cap of course was Captaining my club side for the first time, a first time ever for captaincy - though ended in a loss (was made good with 2 back to back victories in Jan 2010). Followed almost all International cricket from Tests to ODIs to T20 - never gave up on the religion that I so fondly follow and the God that I revere - Sachin Tendulkar, yes I almost got to meet him too.

On the office front things have been quite good, I say quite good because - there were more unpleasant events overshadowing the good ones - but then this year also saw one of the most memorable programmes I was involved in - The Managerial Effectiveness programme. Also known as the MDP, this was conducted at our Head Office two days a month over a six month period, yes this was surely a major learning experience, one that refreshed some finer points in basics and some new learnings that would make me a more thorough professional in the years to come... I infact put it in my summarizing note at the valedictory of the ME programme thus "Learning is a continuous process and this programme is another Milestone in my journey of Self Discovery". (shall pen a separate note on this soon).

For one who is constantly in the quest for knowledge, the programme added more to my effort and also brought me closer my colleagues across the country. Ever the team man - ever gregarious - I only reveled in the company of a few dozen more new friends and the monthly travel to Chennai was always eagerly looked forward to.

The Forgettable

Though I start of with the sub head forgettable - its far from forgettable that I spent a night in the Intensive Cardiac Care Unit of a Corporate Hospital, one I still believe is an aberration, a ‘con’ act of the modern day hospitals rather than a personal folly. I would just want to leave it at that.

I would not want a year to start for anyone as it started for me, I lost a close friend on the Second day of 2009, a person who was 10 years older to me - but always brought cheer with his quick wit humour and light hearted anecdotes - may his soul rest in peace.

Officially, the turmoil that I went through during the phase when almost ten of my colleagues phased out from the organisation is something I still am trying to get to terms with. No, I am not passing judgements on the developments - just that it could have been avoided, well something not in my control though. Its during this period I greyed more, lost more sleep, underwent stress (which until then it only through books and journals ) and above all remained lost. In all these developments, I would be lying to myself if I said - I didn’t harbour hopes of ascending to a top post, which though didn't happen :(.

The memorable moments

I owe a Zillion for the best moments in my life to my wonderful family, especially to my lovely wife - who has been a source of immense strength in the ups and downs, one who has been inspiring through her selfless quest for spreading cheer, ever smiling - ever cheerful. I am blessed.

Yes, blessed I am for also being coaxed to embark on the year-end trip to Srirangam. A reluctant religious person that I am, the trip turned out to be a real eye opener. One that got me to understand the roots of Vaishnavism, the significance of worship, the beauty of Lord Ranganatha and the sheer embodiment of the place Srirangam - Thiruvarangam - Bhooloka Vaikuntam, well by whatever name we call it, its pure magic and I am filled with awe to know more about it. I shall delve on Srirangam in a separate post soon... where I shall draw the roadmap to my future visits and also the path to the Divya Desams. I am overwhelmed with discovery of the 'need to serve the lord', I shall do my Kainkaryams too. My next post will talk all about Srirangam and the beginning of a new journey courtesy a young, educated, brilliant soul who needs special mention.

As a customary thanksgiving to all the people in my life who have made it yet another beautiful year – I would want to add one more line – Keep ‘being there for me as always' …

.... and no matter what – I shall always be there for you too!

I sign off with many unsaids, many more unkept promises and many many more miles to travel in the quest for Utopia - No I have NOT ceased to be a perfectionist, confessions apart, I strive to and will continue.

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20 years since I was 20

… For I too believe

Cricket is Religion

and

Sachin Tendulkar is God…!

I was in my twentieth year and my final year in college, it was mid week and I had bunked classes to watch Test cricket on Doordarshan… He was barely 16 and played just 24 balls in his first innings… I was not alone in predicting a long innings from him…

November 15, 1989 - Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar had arrived

An Inspiration for a lifetime

... not just that innings… I have watched almost every innings in his illustrious 20 year career, and pray we watch many more from this batting genius.

Today as he completes 20 years in International cricket, having conquered many a statistical milestone, I write this ode to a person who has been an inspiration for a generation and more and I have one thing to proclaim, like millions of others in this country and across the world – I am THE biggest Sachin Tendulkar fan of them all.

Today in my 40th year, I am proud to have journeyed 20 years with his career and have seen many cricketing ups and downs and in all these years never once have I had one word of negativity for the idol, who not just inspired cricketers but made every day lives more pleasant with his achievements that only got better by the day.

The days I have squirmed in sleep over his missed centuries, the bitter fights with friends and colleagues over why Sachin is the Greatest and how Sachin never played for records, but records continued to happen are just too many to be recorded here.

Barring few minor incidents, one cannot remember any on field behaviour or off field tantrums from the little master, that have blotted even the greatest like the Don or SMG’s career and that is the humility of the person which needs to be emulated by the present generation, of not just cricketers, but everyone in general life

I have admired the positive attitude that stemmed from his exemplary on field presence and has made my life one that has been what it is today – one that has discipline written all over.

Even as I am tempted to reel off the statistics, greatest innings, best shots, wonderful moments, disappointments and phenomenal achievements and not to forget the innumerable records... I just have this to say... my half life was memorable thanks to you.

I wear my patriotism on my sleeve and carry the national flag in my
wallet always… inspired by the greatest Indian sportsman ever.

Pray! May you continue set standards for the world to follow in cricket and off it.

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A day in the life of a mafia Don

- Confession of a flawed perfectionist Don!

It’s quite intrinsic in nature, every person desires to discover the dark side of one’s personality and would actually love to live it in reality too, provided there are no legal tangles or social inhibitions.

I adored the Godfather movies, gazing at the stars in the middle of the night, lying on the roof top, wondering how I should have been living the life of Al Capone in the movies… that was in mid 1980s, over two and half decades later - two decades after the last of my teenage years, I live in this fantasy underworld of the Mafia – with my most original pet name Zal – now Don Zal.

As much as it may sound quite juvenile to imagine being part of the online gaming zone, that just needs to be clicked and clicked to fulfill your fetish, its truly a harmless medium to re-discover your dreams and also live in open the assumed alter ego, which given a choice, in reality, stays incognito.

Mafia Wars on Facebook fans every human’s desire for unabashed power,
unaccustomed armoury, unlimited wealth and property and the ego-thumping status.

While its fun to be playing games online, it also gets nervy with the kind of jobs the Mafia does ranging from liquor smuggling, running an illegal poker game, burning down tenements, buying off Federal Agents, helping fugitives flee the Country, ordering hits on a public officials to embezzling funds through phony companies and also, hold your breath, Assassinate Political Figures. If these were the day to day jobs in New York, one gets to fly in and out of Cuba to do jobs like rob the Banco Nacional, offer "protection" to nightclubs and also transport shipment of US arms.

To do all these, the kind of inventory involved is just awesome too, one gets to own and use Cannons, Assault Rifles, Street Gang Members, Camouflage Body Armors, Montaine 320s, Multi-Purpose Trucks, Riot Gears, Bodyguards, Gas Masks, Night Vision Goggles, Jungle Trackers, Multi-Purpose Trucks, Hearses, Luxury Yachts, Prop planes, Armored Cars, Town Cars, armoured Sedans and much much more.

Just wondering what is it that one gets doing all these, well the rewards are much bigger too one can own hundreds and thousands of Mega Casinos, Beach Front Property, 5-Star Hotels, and takeover businesses in Cuba like Tobacco plantations, Sugar plantations and Coco fields, which are so lucrative that you earn a million times what you can dream of owning in a life time in just one hour – sample this – Don Zal’s total income is a whopping US$17,400,050 per hour, which is multiplying with every passing hour and with the addition of more and more property.

If you thought all that was macabre, then just check these statistics for the ‘level 100’ Don Zal : Jobs Completed – 2164, Most jobs done in one day – 93, Fights Won – 5376, Fights Won in Cuba – 703, Mobsters Whacked – 87, Hitlist Kills – 11 (being a hired gun) and Successful Heists – 3180.

Yes the mundane 9 to 6 jobs we do are getting routine where you secretly dream of eliminating clients and co workers which is what you do on mafia wars where enemies are put up on a hitlist for a bounty and the satisfaction is unlimited. How else can you satiate your quest for untraceable cell phones, illegal transaction records, blackmail photos or get gifts from mafia ‘families’ and the Godfather which range from trucks, guns poker playing cards to sculptures to Rembrandt paintings.

Even as I sign off this diary of a mafia don, I am served with a fresh ‘energy pack’ that gives additional energy to whack mafia like nobody’s business.

- Don Zal

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Ashes to Ashes, dust to dust…

…If Thomson doesn't get you, Lillee must!

So goes the folklore of cricket that seems to have been the hallmark of what cricket was all about – Test Cricket! Add Gary Gilmour to the attack, and cricket in the 70s and 80s was in its fiercest form of competitiveness, in spite of the fact that it was played over six days with a day’s break in between. The West Indies defined the four pronged pace attack and the spearheads like Croft, Roberts, Holding, Garner, Marshall sent chill down the spine of the batsmen. There were batsmen of the likes of Geoff Boycott and Sunil Gavaskar who would play out days and nights to blunt the above attack.

Cricket in flannels is still considered the purest form and Ashes the flag bearer. Today cricket is followed as religion in India but then the passionate following that this game has dates back to 1882 when a young London journalist, Reginald Shirley Brooks wrote a mock obituary in the Sporting Times, which read: “In affectionate remembrance of English cricket which died at The Oval, 29th August, 1882. Deeply lamented by a large circle of sorrowing friends and acquaintances, RIP. NB: The body will be cremated and the Ashes taken to Australia.” That was to be Australia's first victory on English soil over the full strength of England.

Things haven’t changed much even to this day, Ashes conjures some of the most competitive displays of the gentleman’s game and has stood the test of time. If the overdose of Twenty 20 through the Indian Premier League and the T20 World Cup makes the modern follower feel that test cricket is losing its sheen, then look back to the year when Kerry Packer hijacked the cream of the cricketers to a new brand of coloured clothing game, which brought a revolution to the fifty over format.

The 1978-79 Ashes was played in direct competition to the unofficial WSC matches elsewhere in Australia and, while England lost a few regulars, Australia fielded a weak side that lost the series 5-1. The crowds dwindled and Test cricket seemed threatened. After things settled down the following year Ashes saw some of the most memorable performances The 1979 series was notable for the remarkable number of players who made nineties - Kim Hughes (99) Boycott (99*) David Gower (98*) Greg Chappell (98*) and Graham Gooch (99), missing out his maiden century being run-out. Those days cricket was keenly followed on BBC and ABC radio and of course through the newspaper columns. Even as One Day cricket with coloured clothing and white ball made strides, Test cricket continued to flourish and yes with some record breaking performances across the World.

After almost two decades of dominance Australia lost the Ashes to the English in 2005, but then regained it at home eighteen months later with an emphatic 5-0 whitewash. Two years later and with the cream of the Aussies leaving, the team from down under are facing a stiff challenge, not just to retain the Ashes, but also uphold the dispassionate interest that followers of the game have always had in the five day version.

July 8, 2009 is a day of reckoning, an eagerly awaited date for the connoisseurs of the game, for this will decide whether the longest version of the game will bite the dust or rise from the Ashes.




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"There is No clutter in the path to my heart"

- Yet another confession

Friday April 10, 2009, Time 5.30 pm, Place: Wockhardt Heart Centre - Kamineni Hospitals, Hyderabad.

Ten hours after it started the pain in the chest didn't subside and then the Cardiologist said, "We need to put you in observation for the night"... in the next half hour I was in the ICCU (Intensive Cardiac Care Unit)… then started the trauma!

It was 7.30 am of the Friday morning, what started as a harmless pain in the chest on the left side, soon turned worrisome and gastric was ruled out, a local physician said there was a mild variation in the ECG, but prescribed half a dozen tablets. As time passed, the pain only got worse, until it was decided to go to Kamineni and after the usual ECG and 2D Echo had ruled out any problem came the Troponin-T blood test that put me in the dock, it was construed to be a cardio-vascular problem.

As I was being wheeled into the ICCU, I could see tears dripping from Wife's eyes and my friend Raghuveer grim faced, in a few moments I was left alone with no contact with family and friends, at the mercy of the wired wonders that never ceased to beep throughout the night, the friendly nurses and the serious faced cardiologists. A night that I shall never forget in my life, brought back all memories - good and bad, memories of friends and foes, the highs and lows in life, the best and worst - yes sleep was the last thing on mind... NO I was not scared to sleep, I was sure something was amiss, but then this was one night I had to prove that I was fine... and am going to be fine for long... to fulfill Life's unfulfilled dreams!

A Couple of more ECGs and the long drawn 2D Echo in the night were enough to tell me I was doing great, and I badly wanted to convey this to my family and friends outside - but to no avail, the Doctors however were busy trying to pin me down to go for an Angiogram, that would prove that there was no clutter in the path to my heart. Then the twist happened, the 6.30am blood test proved two things, the Trop-T was negative - wow, did I heave a sigh of relief, and then it also told that my Cholesterol levels had increased considerably over the past 6 months.
But the Good news was - I had NO cardiac issue whatsoever - the valves leading to my heart are all clutter free and clear...!

The Saturday morning did bring cheer to my wife and Raghuveer's face - The Chief cardiologist declared that I would be allowed to go (discharged was his word) following the TMT (Tread Mill Test). It wasn't until 11.30 am that I had the privilege of stepping out of the ICCU to take the final test to prove my fitness. Soon I had run the best race of my life with out moving out of the room, I must've covered over 10 kms before I stopped the treadmill owing to pain in the calf and not pain in the chest, I had cleared the final hurdle and was wearily on my way home.

It was an emotional moment to see my daughter after almost 22 hrs and the faces of my parents and sister too lit up...!

The Final diagnosis: No Cardio-Vascular Problem, No Gastric problem, High level of Cholesterol and increased triglyceride count.

Yes I will soon have to be facing a battery of visitors and a multitude of advice – I was getting ready for the worst now.

What followed was a list of Dos and Don’ts from all and sundry, they called it a wake up call, they said I needed to exercise more, some said I needed to cut down on oil, a few added “stop junk food”, then I heard ‘No rice – more bread’, Samosas, Mirchis, Burgers, Pizzas, Pav Bhaajis all joined the list of don’ts. But the one that was unanimous on everyone’s lips was – “Quit Smoking”, I knew it was coming, but this one was a deluge, the endless flow of words on the carcinogenic effect and the cardio-vascular relation, I was never more educated than now.

Yes I’ve kicked the butt to ensure that I don’t kick the bucket early. Even as I write this after a week of the incident, I feel as fresh and healthy as ever sans the vice that was part of my life for 23 years.

In conclusion: I have gained a few more grey hair with knowledge of the harmful effects of the vices, I’ve sent shock and shivers across my friends and their families - for no apparent fault of mine and above all I am truly indebted to the well wishers who have been so concerned and caring in their support.

I continue to believe in the motto :

Life is too wonderful to be spent worrying

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