In Conclusion - Its getting emotional like never before!
Feelings are much like waves, we can't stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf.
~Jonatan Mårtensson
The sea has always been a source of inspiration with many a tale to tell. The waves are awesomely inspiring not because they rise and fall; because once they fall they NEVER fail to rise again.
In my quest for perfection I’ve run through many a rough weather, at times the tides were high and violent, and most times it was smooth sailing, but then the aspect that I’m referring to in this concluding part of the “Confessions…” is Emotions!
Yes I’m a very emotional person
Emotions that have seen hit the roof and also bury deep in sulking state.
I have an emotional attachment with the Sea – the Beach – especially the Madras beac
h, well Madras because it was in 1990, when the name was still intact and I was a loner on the beach most days of the week for the six months I spent there. Those were the days when post dinner I’d sit watching the waves, gazing at the stars and feeling the sand for almost over hours, humming the best of Kishore Kumar and slowly return back to my solitary confinement well past midnight. The emotions flowed with the waves - the solitude was sometimes painful, sometimes wonderful but at most times welcome!In my eighteen odd years after the sustained romance with the waves on the Marina, I had moved along life at a pace that is surely not classified as hectic, changed jobs, changed to the media industry imbibed more responsibilities, found newer luxuries, newer friends, relations With them more comfort and more discomfort.
I returned once again on the night of Feb 7th, 2009 to the same spot that was once a daily haunt. I was reminiscing my days of the yore, when I had nothing but my pharma selling job, a few friends, a huge collection of Kishore Kumar songs, a tiny transistor and the bare necessities – and yes – no luxuries, no worries, no tensions, no botherations, no pressures, no money either. What I had was basic amenities that got me through life and was just enough to be happy and contended
Three hours at the beach was just not enough to revive all thoughts and refresh the emotional quotient… but then it really re-charged the positive emotions that were just waiting to die down, lost in the nostalgia of the best of lives’ moments…!
As I sat there looking at the almost full moon the swirling waves, the soft sands I realized nothing had changed, yes nothing had changed in the natural realm… the sand, sea and the sky had remained the same in all these years. As I turned back away from the sea – I saw the skyline had changed, the change was evident in glitzy cars, sky rise buildings, electrifying lifestyles that were governed by money – Yes I had more money than I could’ve imagined in those solitary days.
Nothing had changed, yes nothing had changed in the natural realm… the sand, sea and the sky had remained the same in all these years.
But too many emotions were now taking over – the nostalgia of having nothing and being happy, to having everything – still happy – but with enough worries that could let the smile vanish. I kept hearing to the waves that were now growing bigger – they slowly became music to my ears, the eyes started to moisten, I started to get emotional again Yes questions started flowing in – If nature didn’t change a bit – why did life in all its human progression – through technology – have to change and bring in luxuries coupled with miseries?
Why did life have to move on? Why didn’t time stop then? There has been many an emotional moment in these 18 years that would have been left out of history if time had stopped there!
I’ve seen dozens of friends leaving the shores of India for greener pastures, never ever to return again – always felt the emotion of missing them overpowering reason, now it’s like that’s their life and they never wanted to be here…never!
However I’m here – here to stay – regaling the memories, sharing a shoulder, shedding a silent tear, loading the memory drive with some more emotions… endless thoughts endless emotions!
As I walked back, struggling in the sand, I realized – there is more to it than a normal relation between the emotions and the waves – yes they will never fail to rise again..!
------------- Series Concluded ---------------
9 comments:
anna just now went through this part thrice, and it only make my heart heavy with emotion. cause sitting in the colg i cant cry.
Hey Buddy I always told you that You are a gifted guy.....Going thru this i told myself that "yes" I was right....well anger is something one must have but you need to channelise it.......Venky this is really very emotional and you have always inspired me in things which i did not know or i was not good at......Keep up the writing in your blog and you need to help me in starting one for me....one other thing which you have inspired me:)
Your thoughts fill my heart with joy and sorrow, frustration and emotions, awe and numbness. Just as you did mention that we all begin our lives alone on a path and continue to accrue more and more experiences I too did and do relate the same. The very thought of an inner self asking me to burst free of my emotional anguish has time and again surfaced only to be subdued by the society that we live in. Bhaiyya I would like to Thank you for showing me the way as now I am gonna start my own Blog...
Thanks for being there for me as a guide and mentor during the recent past.
Venky,
I am not surprised about any of these emotions expressed by you.
If your blog does not capture these I would have certainly surprised.
Yes! life is a beautiful journey and a collection of several materialistic and non materialistic stuff. What nature teaches us is to be simple and raise to the ocassion.
This is one of the reason I reach out to you to rediscover myself.
Keep writing...
You have so much to share..
we have so much to read...
Hey Anna..i have read this blog five times over the past two weeks.....
The sea and the fall and rise of the waves inspire many a people...writers and poets alike...they r natures way of saying that hey buddy...u lose some u gain some...U lost a simple life for a life full of material comforts....and everyone goes through this phase...but not everyone realises what they have lost until its really late... If your post has inspired so many people..because there is nothing but sweet-bitter truth of life...something that everyone can relate to...but then....the fact remains that life moves on... Your opening up has inspired others to introspect and that my darling annaya is the power of word..of true word! Keep writing! :) And yes...U r and will remain a source of constant support and inspiration.
As I was reading, I began to wonder as to who is actually a "flawed perfectionsit". Thinking deeply, he is the one who aspires to be a perfectionist and learns during his journey to perfectionism. He falters but bounces back.
Everyone wishes to go back to certain part of their childhood or youth and imagines 'if only time could have stopped'.
As its said, time and tide stops for no one. The child that admires you, the appreciative smile of your wife and the pride of your parents that came during your achievemnts; the man you became - the pride, confidence and endurance during your struggle to achieve, hm..m are you sure you really wish to stay without these and be back in your 'free chennai days'.
Anna you are an aspiring perfectionist not a flawed one. As you aspire please continue to inspire. There is no conclusion either to aspiration or inspiraion.
hey venky,
did a mistake of not giving u paper on the same day, probably u wud have added some more, as u used to say, the whiff of fragrance, the remiscence of the past still brings cheer to one and all and may the almightly bless u more with the power of words. squeeze out some more, we all feel rewinded and see the life---20 years ago..
do come to chennai often..our marina will be proud to see u
luv u anna
Thank you folks,
You've been a great encouragement to write constantly on my blog. I've seen many ups and downs in life as most of us have...!
Its in these moments when we try to pen our thoughts the people who support come to mind...!
I am very happy for the feedback that constantly peps me up...
Special thanks to my friendly-brotherly-boss of over 17 years: Srinath Iyer,
my cousins: Shwetha, Srivatsa, Shripriya and Sudhavalli...!
My good old friend Jaganmohan Raju, and little sister Padma Priya!
... and to all the others who keep sending me those wonderful mails of encouragement about my blog...!
Yeah Sudha I wanted to pen my thoughts on paper the moment I came back from the beach late that Saturday evening... cool, I've still recollected most thoughts!
Yes I've been quite emotional - but being the eternal prankster - I'm going to write a lil bit into the funny side of me soon...!
Until then keep smiling :)
Hey! Venky, Wl nvr-evr tire of showering u wid compliments on ur 'ishtyle', the free flow of words, rather thoughts and de emotion.
But seriously, hv gvn it only one fast read nd am penning my reactions. Man, u r too gud. Makes me feel glad dat a man who cn think like dis nd also put it down in free verse, considers me a friend.
God Bless Ya!
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