2009 - Another Year confined to History!

Learning from the year

"Religion as a science, as a study, is the greatest and healthiest exercise that the human mind can have".

- Swami Vivekananda.

This year end account of chronicling the happenings in my life in 2009 is delayed by a fortnight primarily due to the fact that it took so long to come out of the December last week memories, which have surely etched a new chapter in my life, one which is bound to change my perception and my personality.

That I have thousands of things to relate, but have fewer words to pen them here is surmised with the simple line - "I have more face to wash less hair to comb". Yes, the year 2009 has given me some moments both personal and official which brought too many sleepless nights and distressing days. Things that left me pondering hours to no end - I've aged much this year than ever.

The Positives:

On the personal front, I got to know more newer friends, online (quite a few bubbly young enterprising lot of go-getters) and offline, met a few online friends offline too. Attended a few celebrations and acquired a few pals for life. There has been never a dull moment in parties and celebrations - with the kind of music that has followed my all through my life. Kishore Kumar continued to rule my day to day life (not a day passes without listening to this idol). I played lot of cricket, picked up quite a handful of wickets, though made not so many runs during the year - but the feather in the cap of course was Captaining my club side for the first time, a first time ever for captaincy - though ended in a loss (was made good with 2 back to back victories in Jan 2010). Followed almost all International cricket from Tests to ODIs to T20 - never gave up on the religion that I so fondly follow and the God that I revere - Sachin Tendulkar, yes I almost got to meet him too.

On the office front things have been quite good, I say quite good because - there were more unpleasant events overshadowing the good ones - but then this year also saw one of the most memorable programmes I was involved in - The Managerial Effectiveness programme. Also known as the MDP, this was conducted at our Head Office two days a month over a six month period, yes this was surely a major learning experience, one that refreshed some finer points in basics and some new learnings that would make me a more thorough professional in the years to come... I infact put it in my summarizing note at the valedictory of the ME programme thus "Learning is a continuous process and this programme is another Milestone in my journey of Self Discovery". (shall pen a separate note on this soon).

For one who is constantly in the quest for knowledge, the programme added more to my effort and also brought me closer my colleagues across the country. Ever the team man - ever gregarious - I only reveled in the company of a few dozen more new friends and the monthly travel to Chennai was always eagerly looked forward to.

The Forgettable

Though I start of with the sub head forgettable - its far from forgettable that I spent a night in the Intensive Cardiac Care Unit of a Corporate Hospital, one I still believe is an aberration, a ‘con’ act of the modern day hospitals rather than a personal folly. I would just want to leave it at that.

I would not want a year to start for anyone as it started for me, I lost a close friend on the Second day of 2009, a person who was 10 years older to me - but always brought cheer with his quick wit humour and light hearted anecdotes - may his soul rest in peace.

Officially, the turmoil that I went through during the phase when almost ten of my colleagues phased out from the organisation is something I still am trying to get to terms with. No, I am not passing judgements on the developments - just that it could have been avoided, well something not in my control though. Its during this period I greyed more, lost more sleep, underwent stress (which until then it only through books and journals ) and above all remained lost. In all these developments, I would be lying to myself if I said - I didn’t harbour hopes of ascending to a top post, which though didn't happen :(.

The memorable moments

I owe a Zillion for the best moments in my life to my wonderful family, especially to my lovely wife - who has been a source of immense strength in the ups and downs, one who has been inspiring through her selfless quest for spreading cheer, ever smiling - ever cheerful. I am blessed.

Yes, blessed I am for also being coaxed to embark on the year-end trip to Srirangam. A reluctant religious person that I am, the trip turned out to be a real eye opener. One that got me to understand the roots of Vaishnavism, the significance of worship, the beauty of Lord Ranganatha and the sheer embodiment of the place Srirangam - Thiruvarangam - Bhooloka Vaikuntam, well by whatever name we call it, its pure magic and I am filled with awe to know more about it. I shall delve on Srirangam in a separate post soon... where I shall draw the roadmap to my future visits and also the path to the Divya Desams. I am overwhelmed with discovery of the 'need to serve the lord', I shall do my Kainkaryams too. My next post will talk all about Srirangam and the beginning of a new journey courtesy a young, educated, brilliant soul who needs special mention.

As a customary thanksgiving to all the people in my life who have made it yet another beautiful year – I would want to add one more line – Keep ‘being there for me as always' …

.... and no matter what – I shall always be there for you too!

I sign off with many unsaids, many more unkept promises and many many more miles to travel in the quest for Utopia - No I have NOT ceased to be a perfectionist, confessions apart, I strive to and will continue.

----------------------- pic courtesy : internet-----------------------

20 years since I was 20

… For I too believe

Cricket is Religion

and

Sachin Tendulkar is God…!

I was in my twentieth year and my final year in college, it was mid week and I had bunked classes to watch Test cricket on Doordarshan… He was barely 16 and played just 24 balls in his first innings… I was not alone in predicting a long innings from him…

November 15, 1989 - Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar had arrived

An Inspiration for a lifetime

... not just that innings… I have watched almost every innings in his illustrious 20 year career, and pray we watch many more from this batting genius.

Today as he completes 20 years in International cricket, having conquered many a statistical milestone, I write this ode to a person who has been an inspiration for a generation and more and I have one thing to proclaim, like millions of others in this country and across the world – I am THE biggest Sachin Tendulkar fan of them all.

Today in my 40th year, I am proud to have journeyed 20 years with his career and have seen many cricketing ups and downs and in all these years never once have I had one word of negativity for the idol, who not just inspired cricketers but made every day lives more pleasant with his achievements that only got better by the day.

The days I have squirmed in sleep over his missed centuries, the bitter fights with friends and colleagues over why Sachin is the Greatest and how Sachin never played for records, but records continued to happen are just too many to be recorded here.

Barring few minor incidents, one cannot remember any on field behaviour or off field tantrums from the little master, that have blotted even the greatest like the Don or SMG’s career and that is the humility of the person which needs to be emulated by the present generation, of not just cricketers, but everyone in general life

I have admired the positive attitude that stemmed from his exemplary on field presence and has made my life one that has been what it is today – one that has discipline written all over.

Even as I am tempted to reel off the statistics, greatest innings, best shots, wonderful moments, disappointments and phenomenal achievements and not to forget the innumerable records... I just have this to say... my half life was memorable thanks to you.

I wear my patriotism on my sleeve and carry the national flag in my
wallet always… inspired by the greatest Indian sportsman ever.

Pray! May you continue set standards for the world to follow in cricket and off it.

-------------pics courtesy: internet ---------

A day in the life of a mafia Don

- Confession of a flawed perfectionist Don!

It’s quite intrinsic in nature, every person desires to discover the dark side of one’s personality and would actually love to live it in reality too, provided there are no legal tangles or social inhibitions.

I adored the Godfather movies, gazing at the stars in the middle of the night, lying on the roof top, wondering how I should have been living the life of Al Capone in the movies… that was in mid 1980s, over two and half decades later - two decades after the last of my teenage years, I live in this fantasy underworld of the Mafia – with my most original pet name Zal – now Don Zal.

As much as it may sound quite juvenile to imagine being part of the online gaming zone, that just needs to be clicked and clicked to fulfill your fetish, its truly a harmless medium to re-discover your dreams and also live in open the assumed alter ego, which given a choice, in reality, stays incognito.

Mafia Wars on Facebook fans every human’s desire for unabashed power,
unaccustomed armoury, unlimited wealth and property and the ego-thumping status.

While its fun to be playing games online, it also gets nervy with the kind of jobs the Mafia does ranging from liquor smuggling, running an illegal poker game, burning down tenements, buying off Federal Agents, helping fugitives flee the Country, ordering hits on a public officials to embezzling funds through phony companies and also, hold your breath, Assassinate Political Figures. If these were the day to day jobs in New York, one gets to fly in and out of Cuba to do jobs like rob the Banco Nacional, offer "protection" to nightclubs and also transport shipment of US arms.

To do all these, the kind of inventory involved is just awesome too, one gets to own and use Cannons, Assault Rifles, Street Gang Members, Camouflage Body Armors, Montaine 320s, Multi-Purpose Trucks, Riot Gears, Bodyguards, Gas Masks, Night Vision Goggles, Jungle Trackers, Multi-Purpose Trucks, Hearses, Luxury Yachts, Prop planes, Armored Cars, Town Cars, armoured Sedans and much much more.

Just wondering what is it that one gets doing all these, well the rewards are much bigger too one can own hundreds and thousands of Mega Casinos, Beach Front Property, 5-Star Hotels, and takeover businesses in Cuba like Tobacco plantations, Sugar plantations and Coco fields, which are so lucrative that you earn a million times what you can dream of owning in a life time in just one hour – sample this – Don Zal’s total income is a whopping US$17,400,050 per hour, which is multiplying with every passing hour and with the addition of more and more property.

If you thought all that was macabre, then just check these statistics for the ‘level 100’ Don Zal : Jobs Completed – 2164, Most jobs done in one day – 93, Fights Won – 5376, Fights Won in Cuba – 703, Mobsters Whacked – 87, Hitlist Kills – 11 (being a hired gun) and Successful Heists – 3180.

Yes the mundane 9 to 6 jobs we do are getting routine where you secretly dream of eliminating clients and co workers which is what you do on mafia wars where enemies are put up on a hitlist for a bounty and the satisfaction is unlimited. How else can you satiate your quest for untraceable cell phones, illegal transaction records, blackmail photos or get gifts from mafia ‘families’ and the Godfather which range from trucks, guns poker playing cards to sculptures to Rembrandt paintings.

Even as I sign off this diary of a mafia don, I am served with a fresh ‘energy pack’ that gives additional energy to whack mafia like nobody’s business.

- Don Zal

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ashes to Ashes, dust to dust…

…If Thomson doesn't get you, Lillee must!

So goes the folklore of cricket that seems to have been the hallmark of what cricket was all about – Test Cricket! Add Gary Gilmour to the attack, and cricket in the 70s and 80s was in its fiercest form of competitiveness, in spite of the fact that it was played over six days with a day’s break in between. The West Indies defined the four pronged pace attack and the spearheads like Croft, Roberts, Holding, Garner, Marshall sent chill down the spine of the batsmen. There were batsmen of the likes of Geoff Boycott and Sunil Gavaskar who would play out days and nights to blunt the above attack.

Cricket in flannels is still considered the purest form and Ashes the flag bearer. Today cricket is followed as religion in India but then the passionate following that this game has dates back to 1882 when a young London journalist, Reginald Shirley Brooks wrote a mock obituary in the Sporting Times, which read: “In affectionate remembrance of English cricket which died at The Oval, 29th August, 1882. Deeply lamented by a large circle of sorrowing friends and acquaintances, RIP. NB: The body will be cremated and the Ashes taken to Australia.” That was to be Australia's first victory on English soil over the full strength of England.

Things haven’t changed much even to this day, Ashes conjures some of the most competitive displays of the gentleman’s game and has stood the test of time. If the overdose of Twenty 20 through the Indian Premier League and the T20 World Cup makes the modern follower feel that test cricket is losing its sheen, then look back to the year when Kerry Packer hijacked the cream of the cricketers to a new brand of coloured clothing game, which brought a revolution to the fifty over format.

The 1978-79 Ashes was played in direct competition to the unofficial WSC matches elsewhere in Australia and, while England lost a few regulars, Australia fielded a weak side that lost the series 5-1. The crowds dwindled and Test cricket seemed threatened. After things settled down the following year Ashes saw some of the most memorable performances The 1979 series was notable for the remarkable number of players who made nineties - Kim Hughes (99) Boycott (99*) David Gower (98*) Greg Chappell (98*) and Graham Gooch (99), missing out his maiden century being run-out. Those days cricket was keenly followed on BBC and ABC radio and of course through the newspaper columns. Even as One Day cricket with coloured clothing and white ball made strides, Test cricket continued to flourish and yes with some record breaking performances across the World.

After almost two decades of dominance Australia lost the Ashes to the English in 2005, but then regained it at home eighteen months later with an emphatic 5-0 whitewash. Two years later and with the cream of the Aussies leaving, the team from down under are facing a stiff challenge, not just to retain the Ashes, but also uphold the dispassionate interest that followers of the game have always had in the five day version.

July 8, 2009 is a day of reckoning, an eagerly awaited date for the connoisseurs of the game, for this will decide whether the longest version of the game will bite the dust or rise from the Ashes.




--------------------------------------------- pics : Internet--------------------------------------------------

"There is No clutter in the path to my heart"

- Yet another confession

Friday April 10, 2009, Time 5.30 pm, Place: Wockhardt Heart Centre - Kamineni Hospitals, Hyderabad.

Ten hours after it started the pain in the chest didn't subside and then the Cardiologist said, "We need to put you in observation for the night"... in the next half hour I was in the ICCU (Intensive Cardiac Care Unit)… then started the trauma!

It was 7.30 am of the Friday morning, what started as a harmless pain in the chest on the left side, soon turned worrisome and gastric was ruled out, a local physician said there was a mild variation in the ECG, but prescribed half a dozen tablets. As time passed, the pain only got worse, until it was decided to go to Kamineni and after the usual ECG and 2D Echo had ruled out any problem came the Troponin-T blood test that put me in the dock, it was construed to be a cardio-vascular problem.

As I was being wheeled into the ICCU, I could see tears dripping from Wife's eyes and my friend Raghuveer grim faced, in a few moments I was left alone with no contact with family and friends, at the mercy of the wired wonders that never ceased to beep throughout the night, the friendly nurses and the serious faced cardiologists. A night that I shall never forget in my life, brought back all memories - good and bad, memories of friends and foes, the highs and lows in life, the best and worst - yes sleep was the last thing on mind... NO I was not scared to sleep, I was sure something was amiss, but then this was one night I had to prove that I was fine... and am going to be fine for long... to fulfill Life's unfulfilled dreams!

A Couple of more ECGs and the long drawn 2D Echo in the night were enough to tell me I was doing great, and I badly wanted to convey this to my family and friends outside - but to no avail, the Doctors however were busy trying to pin me down to go for an Angiogram, that would prove that there was no clutter in the path to my heart. Then the twist happened, the 6.30am blood test proved two things, the Trop-T was negative - wow, did I heave a sigh of relief, and then it also told that my Cholesterol levels had increased considerably over the past 6 months.
But the Good news was - I had NO cardiac issue whatsoever - the valves leading to my heart are all clutter free and clear...!

The Saturday morning did bring cheer to my wife and Raghuveer's face - The Chief cardiologist declared that I would be allowed to go (discharged was his word) following the TMT (Tread Mill Test). It wasn't until 11.30 am that I had the privilege of stepping out of the ICCU to take the final test to prove my fitness. Soon I had run the best race of my life with out moving out of the room, I must've covered over 10 kms before I stopped the treadmill owing to pain in the calf and not pain in the chest, I had cleared the final hurdle and was wearily on my way home.

It was an emotional moment to see my daughter after almost 22 hrs and the faces of my parents and sister too lit up...!

The Final diagnosis: No Cardio-Vascular Problem, No Gastric problem, High level of Cholesterol and increased triglyceride count.

Yes I will soon have to be facing a battery of visitors and a multitude of advice – I was getting ready for the worst now.

What followed was a list of Dos and Don’ts from all and sundry, they called it a wake up call, they said I needed to exercise more, some said I needed to cut down on oil, a few added “stop junk food”, then I heard ‘No rice – more bread’, Samosas, Mirchis, Burgers, Pizzas, Pav Bhaajis all joined the list of don’ts. But the one that was unanimous on everyone’s lips was – “Quit Smoking”, I knew it was coming, but this one was a deluge, the endless flow of words on the carcinogenic effect and the cardio-vascular relation, I was never more educated than now.

Yes I’ve kicked the butt to ensure that I don’t kick the bucket early. Even as I write this after a week of the incident, I feel as fresh and healthy as ever sans the vice that was part of my life for 23 years.

In conclusion: I have gained a few more grey hair with knowledge of the harmful effects of the vices, I’ve sent shock and shivers across my friends and their families - for no apparent fault of mine and above all I am truly indebted to the well wishers who have been so concerned and caring in their support.

I continue to believe in the motto :

Life is too wonderful to be spent worrying

____

Yes… I Love Her… and meet her secretly - quite often…!

.... Yet another confession...! This one has been closely held for long... now the world needs to know...!

March 5: I woke up in a chirpy mood I was all excited about my day, got ready unusually fast and eagerly waiting at the breakfast table half an hour ahead of my daily scheduled 9 am…!

YES I had a reason to be so excited … I was going to meet the Best friend in my life…! A friend, who just adores me, loves me, pampers me and above all has never ever failed to cheer me. My wife got a bit curious, wanted to know why I was in a real bubbly mood today… she did notice that… and also this was not the first time I was thus behaving! I wanted to brush aside the query – but worried of the further queries – I told her I was meeting an old friend, a trusted friend.

What I didn’t tell her about this friend was, it was one who I so secretly admired and who I met more than once a week sometimes… and above all I never delved into the gender part – thankfully even she didn’t ask me whether it was “he” or “she” I was meeting. All she asked was - what it is the meeting about – I nervously said “I’ll be getting home things my friend showers on me and share it with you…!”

I checked my wallet for the contents… “Disgusting”, I told myself… “Buying something expensive for your friend?” she asked – “Nah… I am broke” I said, She knew I was lying… I wasn’t broke!

As I rushed out to start my car… my wife noticed a wry smile on my face, I too noticed her… and feared more volleys, but was pleasantly surprised as she said… “Have a Nice day and yes! convey my regards to your friend” – uff… did she say “her” – nope that wide smile meant she didn’t – I cranked my car and was off in a jiffy…!

I was now getting much restless… the peak hour traffic was slowing down the pace, I already started thinking of how I would handle the excitement of meeting her… do I hug her, give her a peck or plain handshake… Well why do I have to think about all this…? I know what I do every time I meet her… It’s become a routine… and I was not going to think of anything more now…!

The snail’s pace of traffic was getting on my nerves… the honking got louder and as I was getting late for office… I knew there was very little time for her… I even contemplated postponing the meeting to later in the day or may be to the evening, on my way back home…! I knew for sure – she would wait for me till eternity and would never complain whatever time I met her, I still remember the time I sneaked out of home at midnight to meet her. She never complained and welcomed me with the same warmth as ever.

Then it happened all so suddenly… I parked my car at her gate… walked in and had the customary exchange of pleasantries… (well no details of how or what) she knew the purpose of my visit… I just had to give her one…hmmm! And she gave me back hundreds…! was I counting? No never, I never counted…, I was now blushing…! The meeting over; I rushed out in a hurry… I didn’t say a word about when next…? She never asked…! But I knew it wouldn’t be long… may be in a week’s time, looking around if no one noticed, I tucked into my car and joined the traffic which was now much faster.

My heart was pounding with excitement… always found it difficult to handle the post meeting excitement, it was always the one that was well… aah…! I started planning, actually planning about what all to do, till my next meeting with her…!

That evening I couldn’t conceal my happiness as I reached home, I had some goodies (bought on my way home) for my daughter and some groceries my wife wanted… she then asked what my friend gave me…?

Now I garnered all the courage and told her in plain terms… I didn’t ask for much from her – just got Rs. 10k, the rest will go directly to the housing loan emi, the car loan emi, the personal loan, the consumer loan, the credit card repayments etc.

She always knew and never held any grouse over my best friend in life – my dear atm! It is this any-time-money, the best friend in my life; I meet on my salary day… and keep meeting “her” on and off throughout the month. Yes I love her… she never fails to cheer me… and gives me hundreds when I need – all I do is give her that one hmmm - card…!

_ _ _

Confessions of a flawed Perfectionist - III

In Conclusion - Its getting emotional like never before!

Feelings are much like waves, we can't stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf.

~Jonatan Mårtensson

The sea has always been a source of inspiration with many a tale to tell. The waves are awesomely inspiring not because they rise and fall; because once they fall they NEVER fail to rise again.

In my quest for perfection I’ve run through many a rough weather, at times the tides were high and violent, and most times it was smooth sailing, but then the aspect that I’m referring to in this concluding part of the “Confessions…” is Emotions!

Yes I’m a very emotional person

Emotions that have seen hit the roof and also bury deep in sulking state.

I have an emotional attachment with the Sea – the Beach – especially the Madras beach, well Madras because it was in 1990, when the name was still intact and I was a loner on the beach most days of the week for the six months I spent there. Those were the days when post dinner I’d sit watching the waves, gazing at the stars and feeling the sand for almost over hours, humming the best of Kishore Kumar and slowly return back to my solitary confinement well past midnight. The emotions flowed with the waves - the solitude was sometimes painful, sometimes wonderful but at most times welcome!

In my eighteen odd years after the sustained romance with the waves on the Marina, I had moved along life at a pace that is surely not classified as hectic, changed jobs, changed to the media industry imbibed more responsibilities, found newer luxuries, newer friends, relations With them more comfort and more discomfort.

I returned once again on the night of Feb 7th, 2009 to the same spot that was once a daily haunt. I was reminiscing my days of the yore, when I had nothing but my pharma selling job, a few friends, a huge collection of Kishore Kumar songs, a tiny transistor and the bare necessities – and yes – no luxuries, no worries, no tensions, no botherations, no pressures, no money either. What I had was basic amenities that got me through life and was just enough to be happy and contended

Three hours at the beach was just not enough to revive all thoughts and refresh the emotional quotient… but then it really re-charged the positive emotions that were just waiting to die down, lost in the nostalgia of the best of lives’ moments…!

As I sat there looking at the almost full moon the swirling waves, the soft sands I realized nothing had changed, yes nothing had changed in the natural realm… the sand, sea and the sky had remained the same in all these years. As I turned back away from the sea – I saw the skyline had changed, the change was evident in glitzy cars, sky rise buildings, electrifying lifestyles that were governed by money – Yes I had more money than I could’ve imagined in those solitary days.

Nothing had changed, yes nothing had changed in the natural realm… the sand, sea and the sky had remained the same in all these years.

But too many emotions were now taking over – the nostalgia of having nothing and being happy, to having everything – still happy – but with enough worries that could let the smile vanish. I kept hearing to the waves that were now growing bigger – they slowly became music to my ears, the eyes started to moisten, I started to get emotional again Yes questions started flowing in – If nature didn’t change a bit – why did life in all its human progression – through technology – have to change and bring in luxuries coupled with miseries?

Why did life have to move on? Why didn’t time stop then? There has been many an emotional moment in these 18 years that would have been left out of history if time had stopped there!
I’ve seen dozens of friends leaving the shores of India for greener pastures, never ever to return again – always felt the emotion of missing them overpowering reason, now it’s like that’s their life and they never wanted to be here…never!

However I’m here – here to stay – regaling the memories, sharing a shoulder, shedding a silent tear, loading the memory drive with some more emotions… endless thoughts endless emotions!

As I walked back, struggling in the sand, I realized – there is more to it than a normal relation between the emotions and the waves – yes they will never fail to rise again..!

------------- Series Concluded ---------------