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Thursday, 12 February 2009

Confessions of a flawed Perfectionist - III

In Conclusion - Its getting emotional like never before!

Feelings are much like waves, we can't stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf.

~Jonatan MÃ¥rtensson


The sea has always been a source of inspiration with many a tale to tell. The waves are awesomely inspiring not because they rise and fall; because once they fall they NEVER fail to rise again.



In my quest for perfection I’ve run through many a rough weather, at times the tides were high and violent, and most times it was smooth sailing, but then the aspect that I’m referring to in this concluding part of the “Confessions…” is Emotions!

Yes I’m a very emotional person

Emotions that have seen hit the roof and also bury deep in sulking state.

I have an emotional attachment with the Sea – the Beach – especially the Madras beach, well Madras because it was in 1990, when the name was still intact and I was a loner on the beach most days of the week for the six months I spent there. Those were the days when post dinner I’d sit watching the waves, gazing at the stars and feeling the sand for almost over hours, humming the best of Kishore Kumar and slowly return back to my solitary confinement well past midnight. The emotions flowed with the waves - the solitude was sometimes painful, sometimes wonderful but at most times welcome!

In my eighteen odd years after the sustained romance with the waves on the Marina, I had moved along life at a pace that is surely not classified as hectic, changed jobs, changed to the media industry imbibed more responsibilities, found newer luxuries, newer friends, relations With them more comfort and more discomfort.

I returned once again on the night of Feb 7th, 2009 to the same spot that was once a daily haunt. I was reminiscing my days of the yore, when I had nothing but my pharma selling job, a few friends, a huge collection of Kishore Kumar songs, a tiny transistor and the bare necessities – and yes – no luxuries, no worries, no tensions, no botherations, no pressures, no money either. What I had was basic amenities that got me through life and was just enough to be happy and contended

Three hours at the beach was just not enough to revive all thoughts and refresh the emotional quotient… but then it really re-charged the positive emotions that were just waiting to die down, lost in the nostalgia of the best of lives’ moments…!

As I sat there looking at the almost full moon the swirling waves, the soft sands I realized nothing had changed, yes nothing had changed in the natural realm… the sand, sea and the sky had remained the same in all these years. As I turned back away from the sea – I saw the skyline had changed, the change was evident in glitzy cars, sky rise buildings, electrifying lifestyles that were governed by money – Yes I had more money than I could’ve imagined in those solitary days.

Nothing had changed, yes nothing had changed in the natural realm… the sand, sea and the sky had remained the same in all these years.


But too many emotions were now taking over – the nostalgia of having nothing and being happy, to having everything – still happy – but with enough worries that could let the smile vanish. I kept hearing to the waves that were now growing bigger – they slowly became music to my ears, the eyes started to moisten, I started to get emotional again Yes questions started flowing in – If nature didn’t change a bit – why did life in all its human progression – through technology – have to change and bring in luxuries coupled with miseries?

Why did life have to move on? Why didn’t time stop then? There has been many an emotional moment in these 18 years that would have been left out of history if time had stopped there!
I’ve seen dozens of friends leaving the shores of India for greener pastures, never ever to return again – always felt the emotion of missing them overpowering reason, now it’s like that’s their life and they never wanted to be here…never!

However I’m here – here to stay – regaling the memories, sharing a shoulder, shedding a silent tear, loading the memory drive with some more emotions… endless thoughts endless emotions!

As I walked back, struggling in the sand, I realized – there is more to it than a normal relation between the emotions and the waves – yes they will never fail to rise again..!





------------- Series Concluded ---------------

Thursday, 5 February 2009

Almost a Millionaire...!

I am happy to inform you that I've NOW become a Millionaire and I intend to share my happiness with you all...

In this moment of joy and contentment - I am overwhelmed with gratitude to all of you who have been dreaming on the same lines and have made this happen.

Attached is the mail I have received - which proves my claim to being a Millionaire.

How I Wish this wasn't SPAM...!

Now back to Work in all the Dhakka-Mukki of Life...!

Such mails bring lots of cheer - at least momentarily!

Hail the Spam

FYI - 1 Euro = Rs. 62.189. That makes me rich by Rs. 6,21,89,000/-

Happy to be back on Terra firma

- Venkat


---------- The Email message ----------
From: WINS
Date: Tue, 3 Feb 2009 21:38:15 -0800
Subject: CONGRATULATIONS !!
To:

We are happy to inform you that your email address was indicated and
was drawn, also attached to a serial numbers FTS/8070337201/06 and
drew the lucky numbers 15-22-24-48-50-37(30) which subsequently won
you 1,000,000.00 (One Million Euros) from the Free Online Promotion.
The draws was registered as Draw number one was conducted in Madrid
Spain,on the 2nd Febuary 2009.

Find below the details of the Claims Agent and contact
him with the following details for verifications:

(1.)FULL NAME:
(2.)FULL ADDRESS:
(3.)NATIONALITY:
(4.)AGE:
(5.)OCCUPATION:
(6.)MOBILE/TELEPHONE NUMBER:
(7.)DATE OF WINNING AWARD:
(8.)SEX:

AGENT NAME:    MR JAMES LEWIS (Claims Agent)
AGENT EMAIL:    jameslewisdept411@msn.com


Thanks,
Mrs.Gloria Anderson
SPAINISH PROMO ANNOUNCER.


___________________________________________________

Wednesday, 4 February 2009

Confessions of a flawed perfectionist - II

Anger - Its Just one letter short of Danger 

.... and YES there is surely no place for Modesty 

My penchant for punctuality is just one aspect of my path to perfectionism!

 

Here I delve upon another of my weaknesses that I’ve drawn strength from, actually its strange that this seems more of a justification of a wrong rather than confessing to it as a wrong!

 

I have had a very independent upbringing, quite a luxury in my times, when parental and peer pressure was paramount in the growing up years – and which has reached dizzy levels in the present generation.

 

My parents had not much say in what I did after my X std, absolutely no say whatever. I pursued my education on my own terms; they never knew where my college was, leave alone my marks. That I had topped the languages in my first year of graduation was not known to them nor the fact that I had to repeat all my 3 optionals to get into the next year.

 

The three years of graduation was one good long joy ride that brought with it the hardening of the person. I became witty and gregarious, articulate in speech and writing, an extrovert who made every gathering lively - but then the one aspect that set me apart from my father and which is one of my major weaknesses is my anger. Yes… I kept telling the world around me that its just one letter short of Danger – and I could never control my short temper. I have faced many situations which have left people red faced and me in poor light all thanks to my anger.

 

Anger was uninvited manifestation that usually left me wondering if it was avoidable, could be eradicated, very frankly I had no answers. Time flew I had gathered more friends and more reasons to enjoy, more reasons to entertain and get entertained, I moved along carrying lots of memories, knowledge and in the process wisdom that made me think saner with every passing day. But I also carried the excess baggage in all earnest, without letting it go, the anger persisted.

 

But then time has been a great healer, on the threshold of getting into the 40s I’ve never felt any younger than now, and yes wiser having learnt to harness the anger into positive energy. Not that I’ve mastered it… but the intensity has surely come down!

 

There has been lot of talk of calling myself a perfectionist – well to set the record straight – I consider myself one of those who has been striving hard to be a Perfectionist – in everything I do, so this rejoinder on my own blog is also an exercise towards that.

I’ll be back recounting more experiences – or should I continue calling them ‘confessions’?