Friday, 16 January 2009

Confessions of a flawed perfectionist

.... and there is no place for Modesty 

“Time and tide wait for none” – screamed the inspirational board on my school library wall – that was 1980. Five words that changed my perspective and in due course changed the perception of people towards me, not just then, but forever!


From my obsession for punctuality, that has brought more brickbats than bouquets, to the uncanny eye for detail – I’ve been faced with resistance from the multitude of people who have walked along and who I have encountered in my journey of life.


The outbursts following long waits for friends, who habitually turned up late – be it for movies, picnics, parties or even for the meetings at the street corner caf├ęs, made my resolve stronger for punctuality and perfection.


Early in life I’ve seen my father, a soft spoken - god fearing – introvert – easily scared of and conned by many man struggling to come to terms with the guiles of the growing number of offenders – but resilient as always, he remained calm and continued to practice his way of life – one that is governed by time and morals.


From the baritone to the big physical frame – I am totally different from my father – I wanted to be and have been an extrovert, gregarious, brash and very temperamental.

However hard I’ve tried to be different from him, I’m glad there is one thing that’s in the genes – the overwrought nervousness that takes over in the face of punctuality or the lack of it around our world.


There are numerous stories that can be related by my friends, who have borne the brunt of my repulsive behaviour for ‘their’ lack of time sense and kept me waiting restlessly.


Even today as I watch helplessly the people around me ‘playing’ their role to perfection, I am left wondering – have I erred in a major way in my judgment, Should I have been as ‘move with the tide’ type or as ‘insensitive to the morals’ type - people who are revered and respected by the skewed social compulsions?


I have no doubt in answering the above with a firm No. My choice is made; I’d prefer penury to perjury, or the semblance to the same


What worries me to no end is that here “Time and Tide” does wait for the incompetent pretender, who shares space and is considered equal with the knowledgeable few.


This is just the beginning… There is more to it than meets the eye – I’ll be back recounting more experiences – or should I continue calling them ‘confessions’?



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